


Right of Affectus (be still, my foolish heart)

by seasaltslumber (93rdfragment)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Bisexual Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-26 10:03:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19765930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/93rdfragment/pseuds/seasaltslumber
Summary: It isn't a chance encounter that throws Sicheng into confusion over his feelings. It happens to be the humiliating mix of alcohol, Jaehyun, and accidentally going inside a gay bar. Curse Jaehyun and his perfection.





	Right of Affectus (be still, my foolish heart)

_I came in from the outside, burned out from a joy ride_

_She likes to roll here in my ashes anyway_

_Played from the bedside is "Stella by Starlight"_

_That was my heart, the drums that start off "Night and Day"_

The warm light from above reflects upon the running water and the clanging dishware. Soaped hands hold and scrub. Music from a nearby phone merge with the sounds of movement. The lethargic atmosphere emanates through the small dorm room. The music cuts off briefly to make way for a message notification. Tired eyes scan the message.

_you free?_

The young man goes back to washing the last of his dirty dishes. His friend can wait. A suppressed yawn breaks through his lips. It makes him look at the time, 6:39. Not even seven in the evening and his body eagerly urges for the softness of his bed. When the last dish settles upon its companions, he grabs his phone to reply.

_i’m TIRED_

The music stops as he presses pause. His feet pad along the cold floor before he slumps across his soft couch. Blindly, he grabs at his marked assignment. Lips press together in contemplation. It seems most of the corrections are for his spelling rather than for the substance of his paper. He feels a tad irked that he still has spelling mistakes despite working hard in learning Korean. A message interrupts his thoughts.

_i’m tired too but i just finished unpacking so let’s hang out to celebrate_

_we’re both tired and you expect us to celebrate? what kind of logic?_

_come oooonnnnn we’ll just go get a few drinks and stay at my place_

_you do know i have a class at 8:30 tomorrow right?_

_no you don’t! I know your schedule like the back of my hand_

_professor told us to attend this seminar she’s doing_

_bring some change of clothes and your materials_

_you’re so persistent_

_are you coming then? :D_

_yes yes you big 5 year old_

Multiple yawns escape as he gets dressed to go out. He sways easily to the whims of his dear friend. It can’t be helped. His friend’s charm and good-naturedness overflow. Being with him brings a sense of ease and fun—both of which sound quite appealing at the moment. He packs a change of clothes with his study materials before going out of his room.

“Oh? Sicheng?” A voice interrupts him from walking down the hallway. He turns around to see his neighbor smiling. “You’re going out and didn’t invite me?”

“Yuta-seonbae.” Sicheng tilts his head in acknowledgement. “Jaehyun finished unpacking.”

Yuta looks thoughtful for a moment before smiling again. “I remember him! You said he found a place at Jongno, right?”

“Yeah,” Sicheng nods. “I won’t be coming back tonight.”

“Alright, take care of yourself.” Yuta comes forward to ruffle Sicheng’s hair. He grins wickedly as he states, “You should know what Jongno is famous for.”

Before Sicheng can ask, Yuta waves goodbye and disappears into his own room. Sicheng frowns, irked at how Yuta knows he’s not well-versed about the goings-on in Korean society yet still leaves him in the dark like that. Brisk footsteps drown under the noise of international students buzzing about the dorm building. The hustle and bustle of the city outside of the university premises replace the noise of students. Sicheng boards the train to get to Jaehyun’s apartment. He watches in disdain as men obviously check women out.

“Trash,” he mutters to himself.

Cool air fills his lungs as he walks out of the train and onto the streets. Jaehyun’s apartment stands twenty minutes away from the train station. Sicheng slows his steps to take in the surroundings of the blooming nightlife. It’s not a bad place, he thinks and takes in the wondrous smell of food. Convincing Jaehyun to eat out will be easy. He picks up his pace as his hunger makes itself known.

“Jung! Jae! Hyun!” Sicheng punctuates each doorbell ring with his voice. He grins as a pout greets him by the door.

“Look who’s acting like a five-year-old now.” Jaehyun pouts some more before grinning as well and opening the door further for Sicheng to come in. “I still have some trash, but I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

Upon entering, Sicheng feels impressed at how different it looks now than before. The room exudes Jaehyun’s aura and aesthetic. Being within the four walls of the small studio apartment evokes a sense of comfort. Sicheng leaves his bag beside the lone couch before letting himself fall down to it. He smiles at Jaehyun as he sees the other watching him.

“Like it?”

“Very.”

Jaehyun sits on the chair at the dining area, chin dropping down to his palm. “No ‘Well done, Jaehyun’? ‘Good job making this look awesome, Jaehyun’? Nothing?”

“Well,” Sicheng taps his chin. “Good job cleaning up half of the apartment. I’ll message a good job to Johnny-hyung and Taeyong-hyung later.”

A crumpled paper flies across the short distance between them and hits Sicheng’s chest. Jaehyun laughs as he rebuts. “Hey, I did most of it. They just helped me bring the boxes in.”

Their laughter echoes before stopping into silence. Sicheng stares at the ceiling, thinking of putting glow in the dark star stickers. Contemplating upon it, the Cygnus constellation fits the vibe. He moves his head down to look at Jaehyun. “Let’s eat.”

“I’ve got you.” Jaehyun stands up and brings out food from the refrigerator. He holds it up to Sicheng. “Felt like cooking after I was done with the room.”

Sicheng scrunches his nose. “I wanted to eat out. The food I passed by smelled nice.”

“Tough luck.” Jaehyun grins. “Let’s eat out next time. You’ll have to endure my cooking for now.”

“Oh no. What do I do? How can I eat such delicious food?” Sicheng mocks as he pushes himself up from the couch. He snickers as Jaehyun puts the food in the microwave. “Let me use your bathroom before eating.”

“Door on the left.”

When Sicheng comes out from the bathroom, he comments, “I like the minty smell.”

“Johnny-hyung said mint is popular for stress relief or something.” Jaehyun finishes putting rice into their bowls as the microwave beeps. Sicheng helps him put the food onto the compact dining table.

“Tangsuyuk,” Sicheng beams at Jaehyun. “You’re the best!”

Jaehyun smiles, proud and shy at the same time. “I know.”

They eat with gusto as lighthearted conversation and banters take place. Sicheng pokes fun at Jaehyun’s popularity and still being single. Jaehyun teases Sicheng’s lack of culinary skills despite his grace in dancing. They laugh at Taeyong’s immense need to clean and how Jaehyun had to kick him out before he can obsess over the apartment. They grumble at the mountain of assignments waiting to be finished.

Sicheng chews at his sweet and sour pork with a frown. “I would have been able to explain myself more in Chinese.”

“You would have.” Jaehyun nods. “Maybe you can ask help from the other Chinese students at the dorm.”

“Everyone’s busy. Even Yuta-seonbae.” Sicheng drinks a bit of water before continuing. “Besides, I need to learn.”

Jaehyun waves his chopsticks in negation. “Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re not learning or you’re letting others do everything. They’ll just teach you the right words.”

“Fine.”

When they finish eating, Sicheng claims the sink before Jaehyun can protest. He sticks his tongue out as he washes the dishes. Jaehyun ruffles Sicheng’s hair before excusing himself to the bathroom. Sicheng calls out, “Let’s go and have those drinks!”

“Alright. I’ll change.”

By the time they’re out on the streets, crowds fill up the streets and open stores. The bars brim with life. Sicheng tucks his hands into his jacket pockets. “Can we try to find somewhere...calm?”

Jaehyun looks over at him before smiling. “Sure.”

They eventually find themselves in a small bar tucked between a restaurant and a karaoke bar. The sounds from next door resound into the bar. Jaehyun leads them to sit at a vacant two-person table. Sicheng notes the lack of women before shrugging. It’s better for women’s safety, he concludes. Jaehyun pulls him to take a picture before they get asked for drinks.

“You two are cute together,” the server comments with a smile.

Sicheng nods along with a smile. “Thank you.”

Jaehyun looks at him with a raised brow before smiling to the server as well. He steers the conversation to ordering their drinks. The server looks confused at Jaehyun for a moment before noting the drinks down and walking away. Jaehyun turns again to Sicheng before giggling. “You know he meant we’re cute together as a couple, right?”

“What?” Sicheng almost chokes on his own saliva. His eyes widen before moving his head closer to Jaehyun. “Are you serious?”

“That’s what he meant.” Jaehyun looks around them before whispering to Sicheng. “I think we went into one of those bars. Jongno’s famous for them.”

“One of what bars?”

“Gay bars.”

Sicheng stares at Jaehyun for a long time, trying to process what had been said. “Jongno is famous...for gay bars?”

“More like being a gay-friendly neighborhood. Although Itaewon is more famous.” Jaehyun sits back.

“You…” Sicheng blinks a few times. “You’re very comfortable with this whole situation.”

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“A bit? I mean. I’ve never-” Sicheng pauses, not wanting to sound condescending in the middle of a gay bar with men everywhere.

Jaehyun reaches out to pat Sicheng’s head. “I’m just comfortable with the idea after my experiences in the United States. Your reaction is normal.”

Their drinks come and their server strikes a conversation with them. “If you don’t mind me asking, are you guys new to the area?”

Jaehyun decides to answer, “Yes. I moved into the apartment complex a couple of blocks away.”

“That’s why. I know all of my customers so seeing new faces was a bit of a surprise.” The server, who turns out to be the owner, smiles. “I’m Sungmin.”

“I’m Jaehyun and this is Sicheng.”

“Oh! Chinese! We don’t have a lot of foreigners around the area. They usually go to Itaewon. That’s where the parties are at.” Sungmin winks and laughs. “Here, it’s mostly older Koreans who are looking for quiet company and a safe space to be themselves.”

“We’re just out for a few drinks. No parties.” Jaehyun continues the amiable conversation with a friendly smile.

“You’re so cute! And you too.” Sungmin compliments both of them. He chuckles. “I’m sure you’d rather enjoy each other’s company than trying to fight everyone else. You’d both be a hit at Itaewon and you’d be pulled away from each other.”

When Sicheng sees the owner’s eyes on him, as if waiting, he nods. His face flushes as he mutters, “This is more relaxing.”

“Right? Well, don’t be shy. We’re all the same around here. Enjoy yourselves!” Sungmin smiles bright. As he walks away, Sicheng hears him comment, “What a cute couple.”

Jaehyun grins as Sicheng meets his eyes. Sicheng rolls his eyes in response before urging Jaehyun to drink with him. In their moments of silence, Sicheng glances at the men in the bar. He notes how carefree most of them look, lines on their aging faces smoothed by the happy atmosphere. He sees the fleeting touches and momentary vulnerabilities. He knows that, outside, these men will look hardened by life and circumstances. Jaehyun catches his attention by clicking their empty glasses together.

“Ready?”

Before answering, he takes in Jaehyun—handsome and kind Jaehyun. He decides, for a moment, that Jaehyun would be a good lover. The thought startles him to nodding. “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s go.”

Jaehyun stands up and beckons him to follow. Sungmin waves them farewell with an encouraging smile. Sicheng feels nonplussed at the events, walking in a daze. He moves closer to Jaehyun as crowds on the street take up space. Jaehyun’s hand comes up at the back of his neck. It radiates warmth to his already heated skin. Sicheng’s chest feels tight at Jaehyun’s usual gesture. He can see question marks floating and buzzing all around his mind.

“What…”

Jaehyun hums and turns to look at him. “Did you say something?”

“No,” Sicheng mumbles, determined to only look forward. “Just sleepy.”

“Oh yeah. You did say that in your text. Thanks for coming anyway.” Jaehyun squeezes Sicheng’s neck lightly as he says his thanks. “Didn’t want to be alone.”

“You’re welcome.” Sicheng yawns, trying to dismiss his flushed cheeks.

More question marks pop up in his mind as he dwells on the flustered feeling from Jaehyun squeezing his neck. We’re friends, he asks himself and continues to ask as they arrive at Jaehyun’s studio. He slumps down on the couch before he gets pulled by Jaehyun to sleep in the room. Once they’ve changed, Sicheng lies down on Jaehyun’s bed in bewilderment. He feels weird about this because they’ve been to that bar. Nothing to be weird about, really. They’ve done this several times.

“Scoot,” Jaehyun pokes him before lying down. Sicheng gets pulled into Jaehyun’s arms to have space for them on the single twin bed. “Night, Cheng.”

“Night, Hyun.” Sicheng whispers, looking at the inches between them as they face each other. He glances at Jaehyun’s closed eyes and admires the handsome face. “What…”

“Need anything?” Jaehyun opens his eyes a little to look at Sicheng.

“I-” Sicheng stumbles upon his thoughts.

“Yeah? Water? Need to pee?”

Sicheng gawks at Jaehyun. Sleep engulfs his friend but Jaehyun still caters to him and considers his needs. He feels Jaehyun’s arm lifting and Jaehyun about to get up. Sicheng puts his hand on Jaehyun’s waist to stop him. Jaehyun melts back to the bed. Sicheng almost laughs. He was the sleepy one between them a while ago. Jaehyun open his eyes more to look at Sicheng.

“I’m putting glow in the dark stickers on your ceiling.”

Breathy laughs fill the space between them as Jaehyun chuckles. “M’kay, Cheng. Sleep.”

“‘Kay. Night, Hyun.”

_I wouldn't know where to start_

_Sweet music playing in the dark_

_Be still, my foolish heart_

_Don't ruin this on me_

The rustle of leaves whispers from outside the windows. Impassioned debates resound within the lecture hall. Sicheng leans back on his seat as he jots down important points made by his classmates. His recorder lays next to his notebook—in case he fails to catch some words or sentences. The arguments keep circling without a conclusion that he almost laughs. The voices in his mind sound the same—never finding the resolution regarding his newfound thoughts of Jaehyun.

“Alright, alright. I’ll have to cut your great debate short.” The professor stands up from behind the desk and writes the next assignment on the board. “We’ll continue with your analysis next meeting and add in this reading. I want a synthesis of this, no more than 500 words. I can’t be bothered. Got it?”

A chorus resounds in the room, “Yes.”

All the students jot down the article’s title and author in a hurry. Sicheng does the same and rushes out after packing his things. Some other classes come out. Small pockets of crowds fill the hallway in seeming waves. Sicheng feels like a solitary boat passing along. An arm on his shoulder startles him.

“Kun-ge,” he breathes out in relief.

Kun smiles and ruffles his hair. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

He sticks his nose up with a harrumph. “Well, who is it that has a big project they’ve been working on and can’t be disturbed? Huh?”

“Guilty as charged, Your Honor.” Kun snickers before schooling his expression. “But really, you’ve been okay? Drop by in my room even if I’m busy. Nice to have some company, you know.”

“I’m good,” Sicheng dismisses Kun’s worry. “Jaehyun’s been inviting me to his apartment constantly. I can hang out tonight though.”

“Oh! You did message a few weeks ago about him settling in.”

“The child keeps complaining about being lonely.” Sicheng rolls his eyes in fondness. Kun’s long and unwavering gaze makes Sicheng raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing much. Just glad that you found a friend outside the dorm.” Kun gives him an indulgent smile.

“He says we’re soulmates.”

“Maybe you are.”

“He’s just overly dramatic sometimes. And you’d never guess it with how composed he usually looks.” Sicheng adjusts his slipping backpack as he speaks. “I swear. I think his age goes down when he’s talking to me.”

Kun laughs at the affectionate complaint. “He’s comfortable. Can you blame him? You’re such a cute kid.”

Sicheng stops their walk along the hallway to look straight-faced at his friend. “I’m only allowing you to call me that because of my gratitude towards you.”

“Whatever you want to think of it, Sicheng.”

A pout starts to form before Sicheng realizes how that proves Kun’s point. He walks on instead as Kun giggles behind him. They go down a flight of stairs before Kun bids his goodbye.

“Come by later, okay?”

“I will,” Sicheng waves him away to his class. He looks at the time on his phone, 10:49. A disgruntled frown tugs at his lips. What an awkward time—a bit too early for his usual lunch. Nevertheless, he concedes to eating earlier before his next class. He tucks into his noodles at a corner of the cafeteria. Strands of noodles dangle from his mouth as he suddenly pauses.

_Why did I think it was reasonable to tell Kun-ge that Jaehyun thinks we’re soulmates? Is he gonna take it the wrong way? Maybe he thinks it means something romantic? Shit._

His teeth clamp down at the thought. The strands fall back into the recyclable bowl. _But does it mean something romantic?_ , he asks to himself with a frown. Surely not. Maybe. Jaehyun seemed rather comfortable in the gay bar. Although, it means little whether a person’s comfortable or not. One can’t make assumptions on a single instance.

_Besides, Jaehyun’s just naturally romantic in his words. And actions. God, why did I start noticing it now? Why did I even start being hyperconscious of it? Now I always feel warm just with his arm around me. I’m doomed._

Sicheng chomps the remainder of his food down in self-directed misery. No one to condemn but himself. Is it possible to blame one’s brain for making such neural connections? He, surely, can’t blame his heart which only innocently pumps blood. Yet, he admonishes his heart anyway for thumping and rebukes his stomach for fluttering. He shuffles to his next class in resigned hurry, seeing that time has passed during his musings.

And time, yet again, passes without his notice. Sicheng takes a moment to pack up his things when his professor dismisses them. He feels delighted despite the 3-hour long class, enjoying the discussions and lectures. No time for jumbled thoughts on Jaehyun.

“Damn it,” he curses softly as his mind circles back to Jaehyun. A heavy sigh falls as he slings his backpack on. He trudges, between the ebb and flow of students, towards the dorm. His body lands on the small couch once he’s in his room. A dull thud resounds as his bag falls onto the floor. For a moment, he fumbles in search of his phone.

_hey_

His fingers press send before his mind can catch up to what his body does. A long stretch of time passes as he stares at his fingers in betrayal. He reminds himself of the normality in sending such messages to each other. Nothing out of the ordinary. He’s simply...doing it unconsciously now, it seems. Likely the result of pondering too much about the situation with Jaehyun—whatever this so-called situation is.

The afternoon ticks by with him staying sprawled on the couch. He finishes reading the assigned article and decides to reread it. By the time he puts his laptop aside, his eyes feel heavy and a yawn breaks through. The clock on his wall says around a quarter until 5. It should be a good time to barge into Kun’s room now.

A pop cuts through the air as he stretches up to stand. He knows full well what lying down for hours does to his joints. He does so anyway, with little regret. Chinese traditional dancing conquers the consequences of lethargic afternoons. He grabs onto his laptop and phone before making his way out. No encounters with Yuta means he wouldn’t need to face a sly expression. It prods him for information he neither knows nor acknowledges. Or sometimes, Yuta makes him say Japanese phrases in between normal conversations.

“You look troubled.”

Sicheng realizes belatedly that he has arrived at his destination. Kun inquires him with a silent look as he steps into the room. He heads for Kun’s bed, letting the other close the door. His laptop sits on Kun’s small table as he crosses his legs. “Just wondering what’s the fascination Yuta-seonbae has with me and Japanese phrases.”

Kun grabs a glass of water for Sicheng before sitting on the chair across his bed. “He has a crush on you.”

The crack in the air comes from the speed at which Sicheng turns his head to Kun. His mind races with thoughts that jumble his words into a mess of incoherent Korean and Mandarin syllables. Kun laughs at his current ineptitude. He grimaces in reply, somehow hoping Kun will say it’s a joke.

“Tooru from across the hall told me you’ve been saying lines of women in Japanese dramas and animes.”

“What.”

“Yeah.”

“That!”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m never talking to him again!”

“Right.”

Sicheng frowns at Kun’s lackluster reply. He finds Kun looking at him with a disbelieving expression. “What?”

“Be honest. You find your conversations with Yuta-seonbae somewhat enjoyable.” Kun smiles. “Also, he helps you out a lot on your assignments. You need him.”

“Well, I’ll just have Jaehyun help me from now on then.” Sicheng leans back on the wall, nose upturned. “And you’re totally glossing over how you just implied that Yuta-seonbae is gay.”

“True.”

Sicheng waits for more after that but Kun continues to smile and not say a word. It’s baiting. He knows he’s being baited and he can’t help but bite into it. “Well?”

“That’s a vague question, if at all.” Kun chuckles at Sicheng’s expense.

A tantrum almost blows out of Sicheng. Instead, he asks again. “Is he gay?”

Kun grins this time. “Don’t know.”

“But you just!” Sicheng points an accusing finger at his friend. “You’re being impossible. Really impossible!”

“It’s fun to tease you after a long time of not seeing each other.” Kun laughs. “I really don’t know if he is, though. All I know is he finds it really amusing to make you say lines from women.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack thinking he was gay.”

Kun raises an eyebrow. “Something wrong with that?”

Sicheng shakes his head, putting his arms around himself. “No.”

“Seems like it.” Kun moves from his chair to the bed, right beside Sicheng. “You’re really troubled.”

“You seem to take it very lightly.” Sicheng retorts, tacitly questioning.

Kun studies Sicheng for a moment before copying his posture. They look away from each other and onto the blank wall. Time has painted the wall with dullness and yellowish spots. Sicheng likes to explore the walls of Kun’s room for new spots, new landmarks that time has passed. The noise from outside the room increases as night begins.

“It was my uncle.”

There’s a few seconds where both of them hold their breaths. Sicheng tries to guess at what those words could mean. No questions come from him though. He lets Kun take his time. He waits.

“It’s his story. Not mine to tell really. But I can tell you I didn’t always take it lightly. Men being gay, that is. I was disgusted at first. I’m so ashamed of how I reacted. But he...he never minded that. He was just happy when I came around. He didn’t cry at all the sickening insults I threw at him but he cried when I held his hand again. Sobbed really hard when I hugged him. Snot on my shirt.”

Sicheng watches Kun wipe a tear, still not saying a word.

“I saw how mistreated he was. How I mistreated him too. How it hurt him but he never said a word. Never raised his voice or his hand. I...I saw him at one of my performances, way at the back. He looked so proud but then he left before anyone could see him. He gave me a card. And I realized how much he cares. How he wanted to share my joy but didn’t want to ruin my moment. I realized how much he’s missed on. How alone he is. I didn’t want him to be alone anymore.”

At this point, Sicheng thinks it’s okay to lean his head on Kun’s shoulder. The act has always been a point of comfort for both of them. “I’m glad he has you, then.”

Kun hums, placing his cheek on the crown of Sicheng’s head. “So? Care to share?”

The heavens might be conspiring against Sicheng. At the moment of the question, his phone pings. It’s a message from Jaehyun.

_hey to you too. wanna come by?_

“He really does invite you to his apartment a lot.”

“See?” Sicheng gripes, trying hard not to flush at the situation. It feels as if the universe is making gigantic hints at him he’d rather not dwell on. “Look at what I have to deal with!”

“Not to annoy you or anything but it really looks like you have two guys crushing on you.” Kun laughs, making Sicheng’s head bounce off. Sicheng frowns at this and plops his whole body onto Kun. “Hey!”

“Ahh. This is really comfortable.” Sicheng wiggles and presses on Kun’s sides. He feels Kun squirm underneath him. This time, he laughs at Kun’s expense. While his friend struggles, he messages Jaehyun back.

_can’t, at kun-ge’s right now :(_

“Didn’t know you were so unhappy spending time with me.” Kun snickers at the sad face Sicheng typed in. “You can go over to his apartment if that’s what you really want.”

“Invasion of privacy!” Sicheng pulls his phone to his chest. He sprawls onto the bed when Kun finally pushes him off.

“It’s not invasion of privacy if it’s right in front of my face.”

_:(_

“Did he just send you a sad face in reply? Oh my god.” Kun moves to the side in time to evade a swat from Sicheng. “What is this teen romance novel level of conversation?”

“It’s not teen romance level!”

“Denial stage. I see where we’re at.”

_come over tomorrow then. i’ll cook your favorite ;)_

“I feel like a side character in a romance novel. I really do.” Kun backs away, fully expecting the kick to his leg. “I’m the smart one who actually figures out how the main characters love each other before they do.”

“I don’t hear you! La la la.” Sicheng grabs hold of Kun’s pillow and buries his head underneath.

Kun takes his revenge and lays down on Sicheng. “I wonder what happened to my bed. It’s so bony now. Hmm. Smells like denial too.”

At Sicheng’s groan, Kun rolls over and takes his pillow away. Sicheng feels his stare despite having his head turned away. He turns to look back at his friend after a while. A soft mumble comes out of his lips. “It’s strange.”

“What is?”

“Getting confused over Jaehyun. He’s just a friend.”

A small smile tugs at Kun’s lips. His eyes soften at Sicheng’s admission. “You wouldn’t be getting confused if he’s just a friend.”

Sicheng opts for a nod instead of a verbal reply.

“Is that why you were freaking out about Yuta-seonbae too?”

“A bit.” Sicheng grumbles, miffed at everything. Except for Kun. Kun’s presence grounds him—somewhat guides him. “Mostly because I didn’t think he could be gay. Or that I’ve been saying women’s lines because of him.”

“He has a weird sense of humor.”

“Weird doesn’t begin to describe it.”

“But weird doesn’t describe you and Jaehyun, does it?”

Sicheng can’t look at Kun in the eyes as he shakes his head. He mumbles again. “Warm.”

“I see.” Kun raises his hand to pat Sicheng’s head. “I’m here for you, okay? No matter what. I’m your reliable big brother.”

“Not in terms of height.” Sicheng snickers even through getting smacked on the head.

Kun rolls his eyes. “Do you want me to help you in your romantic endeavour or not?”

“It’s not romantic!”

“I see we’re back in the denial stage. And we were so close to acceptance.”

“Stop talking about me like I’m going through the five stages of grief!”

“I’ll consider that as anger.”

  


_Let's get lost and let the good times roll_

_Let smoke rings from this paper doll_

_Blow sweet and thick 'til every thought of it don't mean a thing_

An alarm bursts through the silence of the morning. Two pairs of bleary eyes open to locate the sound’s source. Muted sunlight filters through curtained windows, making the objective easier to accomplish. A hand reaches up beside the pillows and taps on a screen. Eyes meet in a drowsy greeting before closing again. For a moment, peace settles and sleep pulls bones into sluggish states.

Yet, in another moment, limbs move and the bed dips at the corner. Sicheng frowns and opens his eyes one more time. Jaehyun sits at the edge, stretching. How unacceptable. So Sicheng raises a hand and lets gravity make it smack Jaehyun’s back. At this, his friend raises an eyebrow at him.

“I need to run.”

Incomprehensible grumbles spill out of Sicheng’s lips. He means to argue with Jaehyun to stay. It’s Saturday. No classes. Stop waking him up with all the sounds and movements. Sleep-induced arguments lead to jumbled syllables accented by yawns.

Jaehyun laughs quietly. “Sleep some more. I’ll relax with you later.”

Sicheng remains dimly aware of Jaehyun’s preparations until the door to the bedroom closes. He pulls the blanket to cocoon himself in it. In no time, he completely submerges into a sleeping state. Sicheng rouses later, for what seems like a long nap, to the dipping of the bed. His nose takes in the smell of a fresh shower, mixed scents of shampoo and body soap. Gingerly, he opens his eyes a third time this lovely morning to see Jaehyun lying beside him with a smile.

“Morning.”

Sicheng answers with a groan and burrowing under the blanket. Laughter echoes inside the small room as Jaehyun wriggles into the blanket as well. Sicheng feels Jaehyun’s arm lay on top of his waist, as is their habit. Everything is calm for some breaths until fingertips start drumming against his back. His heart leaps to his throat and he struggles not to squirm, to look accusingly at Jaehyun.

Light humming floats between them, settling delightfully in Sicheng’s ears. His muscles relax at the constant light taps on his back. His breathing slows as if exhaling the week’s fatigue. Contentment settles upon him despite the light shivers that Jaehyun’s fingers extract from his body. The fingers begin to rub gentle motions across his lower back and pries a sigh out of him. He falls into the warm repose Jaehyun bestows upon him.

The fourth time Sicheng wakes, Jaehyun’s sleeping face greets him. His fingers hover above the other’s cheek, compelled to feel the intimacy of the moment. A desire grows in him to caress the face in front of him, to run his fingers through soft hair, and to hold the body close to him even closer. In order to segue from this desire, he pinches Jaehyun’s cheek instead and chuckles at the replying frown.

His stomach grumbles and propels him out of bed, with only a half-assed attempt at not waking up his friend. He whispers, “Good morning”, as he exits the room. It takes Sicheng a moment to notice the brightly colored sticky note waiting for him on the table. It reads,

_made you breakfast_ _♡_ _reheat it and feel free to boil some water for tea_

A smile blooms in concert with Sicheng’s expanding heart. Jaehyun takes care of him too well. He understands how spoiled he is and, without outright admitting it, basks under the attention. He also understands the uniqueness of their friendship, how it feels borderline romantic, quite unlike his friendships with other people. The thought of discussing this with Kun pops up. He pushes the idea for later and enjoys his breakfast instead.

An hour later finds Sicheng cleaning random areas of Jaehyun’s apartment after washing the dishes. He picks up small objects strewn on the floor, forgotten, and puts them in their rightful places. The only two throw pillows get fluffed up and arranged on the sofa. One of the markers he picks up gives him an idea. He takes it to the bathroom and writes on the mirror.

_thanks for the food :D_

_btw you’re messy like a 5 year old_

The latter holds little truth. Much of the apartment remains orderly, aside from the occasional dirty shirt or school supply. Although, Sicheng has seen the apartment in chaos as well. Jaehyun tends to overexert himself during exam weeks and Sicheng makes sure he eats well and cleans up after him whenever he can. Sicheng admits he may not be the tidiest person but he can be on the tidier side when he wills it.

Soon after, Sicheng lounges on the sofa to watch videos on his laptop. He gets halfway through critiquing a second dance video when he spies Jaehyun going to the bathroom out of the corner of his eye. His lips purse into a line as he hides his growing amusement. The bedhead Jaehyun sports elicits affection from him. He can’t wait to hear what Jaehyun thinks of his writing.

Chortles echo in the apartment, overpowering the sound of the video. Sicheng presses pause as Jaehyun emerges with a smile.

“If I’m messy like a five year old, then you’re messy like a three year old. I’ve seen your dorm room, you know.”

Sicheng juts his lower lip out. “I’m not that messy!”

“I’m pretty sure we both agree that you’re messier than me.”

“Maybe…”

Jaehyun walks to the sofa and makes Sicheng scoot over. “It’s almost lunch time.”

“Really?” Sicheng looks at his laptop’s clock and sees 11:51. “Wow. We slept most of the morning away. Except you went for a run. You and your insane healthy lifestyle physically hurts me.”

“You say that but you dance.” Jaehyun pinches Sicheng’s cheek. “Ha. Revenge!”

“Oh yeah?” Sicheng places his laptop on the nearby table with deliberate movement. He smiles at Jaehyun, fingers coming nearer to the other’s cheeks. “Revenge, you say?”

And thus, starts their pinching and tickling fight. Sicheng attacks and Jaehyun parries. Their rowdiness kicks the pillows off the sofa. Their playfulness rolls them down, on hands and knees. They take in deep breaths as the last bits of their laughter hang in the air. Their bodies lay side by side on the floor. Jaehyun hums before nudging Sicheng with his shoulder.

“I like the stars.”

“It’s daytime. You can hardly appreciate the beauty.”

“True. But it’s just as pretty.”

Sicheng sees Jaehyun turn to him out of the corner of his eye. He turns his head as well to meet Jaehyun’s gaze. A warmth burns at the pits of Sicheng’s insides. “Way better at night with the lights off though.”

“Thanks for putting them up.” Jaehyun offers a winsome smile. “I feel relaxed whenever I lay down and look up at them.”

A thundering heartbeat passes before Sicheng finds the ability to reply. “You’re welcome.”

Confusion niggles at Sicheng the longer Jaehyun gazes at him in silence. Burning heat rises from his gut to his throat and all the way up to his cheeks. Convincing impulses stretch his muscles taut at the thought of inching closer to Jaehyun. His breath hitches as Jaehyun’s fingers brush against his reddened cheek. Then, he feels an ache on his cheek. He watches the contemplative look on Jaehyun’s face change into a playful one.

“I win.”

Sicheng lets himself whisper, “Yeah. You win.”

  


_The very thought of you and am I blue?_

_A love supreme seems far removed_

_I get along without you very well some other nights_

  


Muted shouts filter through the closed door. The evening brings only a slight sense of peace. The argument from outside dies down until the city’s noises could be heard. Incessant tapping on worn keys tries to drown out the dorm’s cacophony, accompanied by instrumental music. A hunched back straightens to stretch tired arms up before diving into work again. Repeated pings from his phone interrupt him.

_hey_

_i know you can see this_

_take a break_

_Take_

_A_

_Break_

_Dong_

_Si_

_Cheng_

_PAUSE THAT STUDYING_

Sicheng scoffs at the barrage of messages he reads before following Jaehyun’s demands. Stopping now makes his stomach churn in unease. However, he pushes through and moves away from the table, laying down on his bed with his phone. He decides to reply to Jaehyun before he gets sent a dozen messages again and possibly a call.

_stopped. happy?_

Moments after he closes his eyes to rest, Jaehyun’s reply comes in.

_very! Happier if you would come here :)_

_NO_

_:( why not?_

_i’m working and my deadline is tomorrow_

_I’ll help you! :D_

_:( sorry hyun but really not today_

_okay :( good luck! Don’t forget to eat and drink water!_

The worried reminder makes Sicheng smile as he sends, _okay, you too :)_. He sets a timer for twenty minutes before taking a nap. Vague images of hazy scenes fill his dreams. He wakes to a fleeting dream of Jaehyun with arms around him and a kiss on his forehead. It shocks him to experience dreaming about Jaehyun in such a way. Yet, it doesn’t quite surprise him that he did. His waking moments consist of thinking of Jaehyun every hour.

“I hate you, Jung Jaehyun.”

A pout appears on his lips as he scrunches his nose and pushes himself up. Feet drag across the floor as Sicheng stretches from side to side. Eventually, he slumps back to his position from before and starts typing away again. Working on his paper helps him put thoughts of Jaehyun aside. It draws on all his mental resources to write it in Korean. An hour or so passes before he hears a knock on his door.

“Kun-ge?” He shouts in question as he stands and walks over. It turns out that his guess is wrong. He opens the door to a smiling Jaehyun who has a backpack and is holding onto a plastic bag. “Jaehyun?”

“Hey.” Jaehyun greets in such a casual manner, contradictory to Sicheng’s shock.

“What? Why?”

Jaehyun takes small steps into the room, making Sicheng back away with each one. “I figured you always come over to my apartment so I should drop by at yours. Especially since you’re busy with that big paper.”

“Oh.” Sicheng marvels at the overwhelming warmth Jaehyun elicits from his body. “Is that food?”

“Yep. Figured you’d need food too.”

“I…”

“You’re welcome. Now go drink water. I know it’s been more than an hour since you did.”

“Please tell me you didn’t install cameras in my room.”

“I didn’t. You’re just predictable.”

“Am not.” Sicheng sticks his tongue out as he drinks water.

Jaehyun laughs at him. “Are too.”

“Not.”

“Are.”

“Not.”

“Are.”

“N-” Sicheng chokes on his negation as Jaehyun appears in front of him, face mere inches away. He continues in a smaller voice, “Not.”

“You are and it’s cute.” Jaehyun states with finality, smile on his lips again. “Go write your paper for thirty more minutes before we eat dinner.”

The order takes a second to register. Sicheng raises a brow in response. “And who are you to order me around, you big five year old?”

Jaehyun’s smile widens to a grin as he moves his faces even closer. “Your friend who’s older than you, you big three year old. So go.”

It may have been Jaehyun’s proximity or his tone of voice that brings Sicheng’s cheeks to a boiling point. He retreats and drinks his water with a grumbling acceptance of defeat. Afterward, his typing sounds more mechanical and annoyed all at once. His cheeks continue to burn even after Jaehyun’s laugh dies down along with the sound of his small refrigerator closing.

Sicheng sneaks a peek at what his friend is doing after putting the food away. Annoyance simmers down in him as fondness takes its place. His fingers hover over the keys of his laptop. He watches a moment as Jaehyun pulls out his own laptop and lays down on Sicheng’s bed.

“Paper too?”

“Hmm?” Jaehyun turns to Sicheng. “Yeah. But mine’s due next week.”

“Then I’ll be sure to drop by your apartment and check in on you next week.”

Sicheng feels his insides melt in even more fondness as Jaehyun smiles at him with radiating gratitude. He goes back to working once Jaehyun tells him “You’re welcome anytime.” Thirty minutes pass in relative ease. At times, Sicheng cuts the silence to ask about the correct words to use. Jaehyun provides them in a heartbeat, already knowing what Sicheng wants to convey.

“Time’s up.” Jaehyun stretches up from the bed and walks over to Sicheng. He holds onto Sicheng’s nape in a gentle grip. “Come on, ‘Cheng.”

Work completely absorbs Sicheng. It takes a couple of seconds before he murmurs, “This is my last paragraph.”

After a moment of consideration, Jaehyun massages the skin under his thumb. “Alright. I’ll heat up the food. You’ll stop that when I’m done reheating, finished or not.”

“‘Kay.”

Sicheng almost forgets about what Jaehyun said until there’s a hand on his nape once more. His body reacts faster than his mind and stops typing. His eyes blink as his mind catches up. He reads the last words typed before he quickly adds in a few more then saving it. He smiles at Jaehyun, “Done.”

“Good. I’ll check it later, if you want.”

“Please.” Sicheng smiles brighter as he holds onto the hand still on his nape. “Food ready?”

Jaehyun leads them to the small dining table filled with his cooked food. “Yeah. Come on.”

As Sicheng takes his first bite, he groans in satisfaction. His eyes look at Jaehyun with all seriousness. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Jaehyun laughs as he replies.

Soon, they eat with mild banter taking place and Sicheng releasing his frustrations onto his friend. It continues even as they finish their food and clean their plates. Sicheng urges Jaehyun to look at his paper afterward, anxious to know if his work is good enough. Jaehyun edits a few of the word choices and dragging sentences. But other than that, he gives Sicheng two thumbs up and several pats on the head.

“You did great!”

“Thanks.” Sicheng smiles, cheeks warming instantly.

The two find themselves in a snug fit on Sicheng’s bed later in the night. Jaehyun laughs at their predicament as he holds Sicheng close to him. It isn’t much different from Jaehyun’s bed but Sicheng whines, nonetheless. He feels far too close to Jaehyun, heart beating hard against his chest.

“I told you to go back to your apartment.”

“You’re really going to make me walk in the cold, lonely streets and onto the equally cold, lonely train? We’ll be just fine like this.”

“You’re way too comfortable hugging me in bed.”

“You’re huggable. A nice body pillow.”

“I’m thin.”

“A nice, thin body pillow that’s still very huggable.”

“You’re such a five year old.”

“Well, this five year old is going to sleep now with his very comfortable pillow.”

In the end, Sicheng lets himself be dragged further into Jaehyun’s embrace. He can almost feel his back touching Jaehyun’s chest. Strands of his hair sway as Jaehyun breathes against them. He startles as Jaehyun calls out to him in a whisper. “Sicheng.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you turn around and look at me?”

Sicheng does as requested and meets Jaehyun’s steady gaze. It makes his insides churn and his temperature rise. He tries to will himself to speak and yet nothing comes out. His lips refuse to even move.

“I like you. I like you as a friend and I like you as a lover would.”

This time, Sicheng manages to voice his thoughts. “What?”

“I didn’t think of you like that at first. I didn’t even think of myself like this. But lately, since that time we went to that bar, I’ve begun to notice things. I always thought you were cute but somehow these days your cuteness makes me want to kiss you. I always take care of you but somehow I want to even more. Like I want to be with you everyday and take care of you.”

“Wh-Jaehyun?”

“And not only me but I notice you too. I noticed how you’ve been reacting to me. Did you know your face could turn to a bright red shade? You stare at me a lot and then try to pretend you haven’t. You’ve also been holding my hands and wrists more often.”

“I do?”

“So I thought I’d take a chance. I’ve been thinking about taking a chance for two weeks now.”

“Two?”

“I thought of making it romantic but that might be too much for you. It’s too much even now, it seems.”

“Too much?”

Jaehyun chuckles. Sicheng thinks he must look just as perplexed as he feels. Instead of comforting Sicheng, Jaehyun just adds, “Yeah. Too much.”

“You’re way too comfortable with this!” Sicheng tries to point an accusing finger at his friend but fails with both his arms squeezed in between them. He feels a vague sense of deja vu. “Is it a gay uncle?”

“A gay uncle?” Jaehyun furrows his brows at Sicheng.

Sicheng flushes in embarrassment. “Never mind.”

“I’m not comfortable with this because I have a gay family member.” Jaehyun’s fingers trace across Sicheng’s back as he speaks. “I have to confess.”

“Confess what? What else?”

“I’ve been going to that bar and talking with the owner a lot. Maybe once a week.”

“You what?” Sicheng stares wide-eyed at Jaehyun.

“Yeah. At first, it was just to hang out somewhere. I didn’t mind that it was a gay bar. But then, I started feeling things towards you so I asked for help.”

Sicheng shivers as Jaehyun continues his ministrations on his back. He finds it bothersome how distracted his mind gets at Jaehyun’s simple gestures. “So you’re gay?”

“Bisexual.”

“Oh.”

“Am I going too fast? Is this too much information?” Hesitation pauses Jaehyun’s fingers from their motions. He looks at Sicheng in worry. “I’m not even a hundred percent sure you’re attracted to me like I am to you. I just-I thought I’d take a chance.”

“Jaehyun, I-” Sicheng furrows his brows as he falters in his speech. “This is a bit…fast. Out of the blue.”

“Right. Sorry.” Jaehyun looks quite contrite as if he’d just been heavily admonished.

“Apology accepted.” Sicheng murmurs, eyes straying down. “I’m not mad. Just confused. I don’t think I can sleep next to you right now.”

“Oh. I’ll go then.”

Sicheng pushes Jaehyun down with both hands before he can try to get out of the bed. A part of him regrets his actions because now he’s looking down at Jaehyun and the other looks so handsome laying under him like that. He knows his cheeks are a ‘bright red shade’ as Jaehyun describes them. “Stupid five year old. Sleep here.”

“But where will you sleep?”

“Kun-ge.”

Jaehyun stares at Sicheng for a moment before replying. “Is it bad that I feel a bit jealous?”

“What?”

Jaehyun shrugs and the sudden movement causes Sicheng to lose balance. His elbows fold and his face falls down on Jaehyun’s chest. They both groan in pain. “Are you okay, ‘Cheng?”

“I should be asking you that.” Sicheng gets up while rubbing his nose. This time, he sits at the edge of the bed instead of hovering over Jaehyun. “Anyway, uhh…I’ll go for now.”

A second after having said that, Sicheng runs out of his dorm. He knocks hard on Kun’s door until his friend opens it with a glare. No apologies come from Sicheng as he dashes into the room, heading face first on the bed. Kun turns around after closing the door, arms crossed.

“Why are you acting like a stupid teenager that just got confessed to and is very confused about their feelings so they ran away from their crush?”

Sicheng raises his head in bewilderment, staring at Kun like he has grown several heads at once.

“Wait. Don’t tell me I’m right. It was a farfetched joke.”

Sicheng continues to stare.

“Oh my god. You lovestruck idiot.”

  


_I wouldn't know where to start_

_Sweet music playing in the dark_

_Be still, my foolish heart_

_Don't ruin this on me_

The clock shows 4:02 in the morning when Sicheng sneaks back into his own room. He feels apprehension at facing Jaehyun after running away. However, his disturbance of Kun has proven itself fruitful. He decidedly ignores how he heard an earful of how much of an idiot he is. He knows that well enough on his own.

The figure on his bed betrays no amount of wakefulness. His footsteps make little noise as he creeps forward. Determination helps him lay down next to Jaehyun without bolting through his door again. He tries to shuffle himself in without waking his friend. It proves futile as Jaehyun moves to the wall and creates space between them, looking fully awake and not having slept at all. It feels painful to have even that little amount of space separating them. Sicheng looks at Jaehyun with a sad expression.

“Jaehyun?”

In answer, Jaehyun looks at Sicheng in confusion. “Why are you sad?”

“You-” Sicheng feels his cheeks warm. He can’t believe he’s going to say this out loud. “You’re far away.”

It takes a moment before Jaehyun’s expression brightens. He gives Sicheng a soft smile as he moves closer and pulls Sicheng to him. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Sicheng wills himself to put an arm around Jaehyun as well. “Better.”

“So…is this your answer?”

“Kun-ge would be mad at me if he finds out that this is the only thing I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“He told me to be honest and to actually talk to you in full sentences rather than fretting over my feelings and being an idiot since it’s been months already. His words.”

“Kun-hyung has always been wise. I should treat him to a meal sometime.”

Sicheng pinches Jaehyun’s side, miffed at the seeming camaraderie between his friends. He doesn’t regret letting them meet though. “Stop ganging up one me.”

“I’m not ganging up on you with Kun-hyung.”

“Feels like it.” Sicheng grumbles, lower lip jutting out.

Jaehyun’s body tenses as he whispers, “Can I please kiss you?”

Sicheng grips Jaehyun’s shirt in his fist as he flushes in embarrassment. His eyes betray him and look down at Jaehyun’s lips. He looks back up at Jaehyun whose eyes remain on his lips. Heat radiates between them, making him feel parched. He nods, moving his head closer to Jaehyun and closing his eyes. He knows it will be too much for him to see Jaehyun leaning closer.

The kiss feels breathtaking. His lips tingle as Jaehyun presses on them with his own. He shifts his body closer as Jaehyun’s hand moves in gentle motions across his lower back. Their lips move away for a millisecond before meeting again with more insistence. A gasp escapes him as Jaehyun’s hand moves to his nape and kneads it. He feels his bones melt at the heightening temperature of his body.

“Sicheng.”

He makes a noncommittal sound in answer, too dazed even as Jaehyun speaks against his lips.

“Do you like it when I hold your neck like this?”

In answer, he engages Jaehyun in a more open-mouthed kiss. His body presses against Jaehyun until there exists no space between them. It feels right. It feels exhilarating and comforting to be so close to Jaehyun. He pecks Jaehyun’s lips repeatedly. “I do. I like it. Please.”

Jaehyun continues to knead his nape as instructed, letting Sicheng lead the kiss. It goes on for a long while until Sicheng feels sated and warm. He pulls away enough to meet Jaehyun’s eyes.

“I like you too.”

The words make Jaehyun’s face light up in joy and Sicheng gets pulled in another kiss, briefer this time.

“Okay. Okay, you big five year old. I’m not done telling stuff yet.” Sicheng laughs, moving his arm up to pinch Jaehyun’s cheek. “You better control yourself or I’m telling Kun-ge you wouldn’t let me use my words.”

“I’ll keep my lips to myself for now.”

“Good boy.”

“Not a dog, Sicheng.”

“Right, just a five year old. Gotcha.”

“You were saying?”

“Oh.” Sicheng curses in his mind as his cheeks warm up again. He hates how they’ve already been kissing but explaining his feelings makes him embarrassed. “Well. I’ve liked you since that time at the bar too. I think?”

“What?”

The question makes Sicheng laugh. How many times has it been him that’s been perplexed and only offered that question in bewilderment. “Uhh…I started thinking about you as more than a friend that time. Maybe because of the drinks and being in a gay bar. Maybe it set the mood for my brain to make connections. I don’t know.”

“So we started liking each other around the same time?”

“I think?” Sicheng smiles at Jaehyun, feeling hopeless at how much he likes this person. “And I’ve been so confused about you ever since. I keep thinking about how nice it would be if you’d just keep hugging me or being around me or holding my hand or…or kissing me.”

“I can definitely do all of that.”

“I thought it was strange to feel this way. And I didn’t have the owner of a gay bar guiding me in my apparent discovery of being attracted to my friend of the same sex!” Sicheng points an accusing finger at Jaehyun which makes him laugh.

“Sorry.”

“But I did have Kun-ge and he’s awesome. I could go without the constant reminder of my idiocy though.”

“I don’t think you’re an idiot.”

“Glad you have my back then.” Sicheng kisses the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth and watches in amazement as Jaehyun’s ears turn red. He chuckles. “You’re so cute.”

Jaehyun looks down, cheeks still flushed. “I…”

“Yes, you are. Now, as I was saying, I wasn’t completely weirded out by having these feelings for you but I couldn’t help some of the doubt. I also didn’t spend a few years in the United States and got exposed to gays and lesbians and bisexuals and everyone else. You have way too much experience and info on your side! How unfair.”

“I’m sorry?”

“So yeah.” Sicheng’s eyes travel down to Jaehyun’s shoulder as he puts his hand there. His fingers move aimlessly across the firm shoulder. “It took me much longer than you to accept these feelings.”

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure you accepted them about thirty minutes ago.”

“I hate you.” Sicheng pinches the grin away from Jaehyun’s lips.

“Hmm?” Jaehyun reaches for Sicheng’s nape again and squeezes. Sicheng hates the grin that appears when he can’t help the gasp that comes out of him. “I think you like me plenty.”

“One of these days I will find your weakness and I will exploit it. Just you wait.”

“It’s you.”

“What?”

“You’re my weakness.”

Sicheng groans at how cheesy Jaehyun is. A laugh bursts out of him, however, when he sees how red Jaehyun’s ears are again. “You’re an idiot. Stop saying cheesy lines if you’re going to be embarrassed about them!”

Jaehyun leans in to peck Sicheng’s lips as the laughter dies down. “Worth it if it makes you smile and laugh like that.”

“I can’t believe you’re even cheesier and more romantic than I thought you would be. I got myself a troublesome boyfriend.” A long pause stretches between them and Sicheng gives Jaehyun a confused expression. “What?”

“Two things. One, you’ve thought about me as your boyfriend? And two, we’re officially boyfriends?”

The questions make Sicheng want to slap himself. The one time he follows Kun’s advice and he runs his mouth off a little too much. He braves himself anyway. “One, yes. Two, if you want.”

“I want. So much.”

“Then, yes. We’re officially boyfriends.”

It takes no time for Jaehyun to kiss Sicheng again. Sicheng concludes that Jaehyun loves kissing and being intimate which he doesn’t mind at all. When Jaehyun moves away, he whispers, “God I really like you.”

“You’re free to continue calling me god from now on.”

Jaehyun’s laugh brings warmth to Sicheng. He delights in making Jaehyun feel good. Kun is right. There’s nothing to be confused over. His feelings have been clear since the start. He likes Jaehyun as a lover. He wants to make Jaehyun smile and laugh, echoing Jaehyun’s sentiment over him. He wants to take care of Jaehyun and be there for him. He wants to be intimate with Jaehyun.

“We’re going to keep this to ourselves, aren’t we?” Sicheng traces his fingers down Jaehyun’s spine.

“Until we’re both brave enough.”

Sicheng offers Jaehyun a smile of understanding. “Yeah. Until then.”

Jaehyun wiggles around until his head is nestled under Sicheng’s chin. “Now I can finally sleep.”

“Sorry for keeping you up.”

Sicheng presses a kiss on top of Jaehyun’s head. Their breaths fall in sync as they let their tiredness finally take them into a peaceful slumber. The noise of the waking city creates a soft lullaby in his room. Sicheng feels a weight disappear from his mind and heart. He can finally be with Jaehyun without so much confusion.

…

“Oh no! My deadline!”

“I hate your deadline.”

“But you like me.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I like you too. Now sleep. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Sicheng kisses Jaehyun’s cheek as he leaves the bed with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> To my prompter, I hope I gave your idea justice!
> 
> Thank you very much to a who really encouraged me to write jaewin even though I had no confidence. Love you ♡
> 
> To everyone who reads this fic, I hope you enjoyed it! It was quite fun to write and a bit challenging since this is my first time writing jaewin. Anyway, have a good day! ♡


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